Have you ever thought that there can be two ways of getting hitched – one is the love marriage about which you all must be familiar, the other is arranged marriage that is more common way to finding your life partner in some countries? Marriage is one of the most important aspects of your life and thus you put all your efforts to take this one decision as choosing the wrong person as your life partner can turn your life upside down. We are more familiar with the love marriages where the people who are getting married have known each other for long and are in love with each other. Then what is the case of arranged marriages? Here, we can say that the families play the pivotal role in deciding the life partners of the girl or boy. This may seem weird to the people who prefer the love marriage but the debate whether arranged marriages are better or love as both of them have their own pros and cons. let’s discuss more about arranged marriages.
Arranged marriage definition
Arranged marriage definition includes the fact that couples are not involved in the relationship before they decide to get married and the marriage is arranged by the elders in the family. People in the west have the misunderstanding about the arranged marriages that they are being forced upon the youths. Well, this is not the truth. The truth is unless and until the boy and girl do not agree they are not forced to tie the knot. On the other hand, many young people do prefer the arranged marriages as this keep them away from the stress of finding the suitable match as well as the depression of the failed relationships that didn’t turned in to marriages. Let’s discuss the pillars on which the arranged marriages are based:
- Commitment is the key: commitment is the most important factor of the arrange marriage on which it runs. The moment, boy and girl, including their parents agree on the relationship, they are committed to each other. The feelings grow simultaneously or in some time later. So, here it is not like love marriage where after the development of the feelings, relationship blooms. People believing in arranged marriages take it as a positive point that even if the love fades away during the life span; their marriage will have the support of the commitment. Arranged marriages are not so easy to break down as they also involve the family members like parents and siblings who have supported you through out your marriage unlike the love marriages where the entire marriage is based on feelings and emotions only and thus they break away easily when the feelings fade. The fact that you have the whole life to explore new things about your partner keeps the love alive and act as the strengthening factor in the arrange marriages. You will be discovering new things about your partner every now and then and this will strengthen your bond.
- Dating is more fun after engagement: just like in love marriage, you have plenty of options for dating in arranged marriages. It’s not like that the day you two have agreed to get married, it will happen there and then only. Now youth take their own time to get settled in the arranged marriages. They get months or sometimes even a year or two to know each other and then get in to the marriage. This gives then plenty of time to understand each other better and discuss the important things of their life so that they can build a strong bond for their marriage. Even then if the boy or girl feels like they have low compatibility among each other, they can always back out of the decision easily as they have not yet entered in to the marriage.
- Family marriage: this may seem funny but in arranged marriages, it is not like the boy and girl get married and they live happily ever after. Arranged marriages are complete family affair in which both the families are involved to every extent possible and just like the commitment the boy and girl share, the families also share the commitment of love and friendship among themselves for the entire life. In Indian culture, it is always said that the girl is not just married to a boy but to the entire family. This is because the joint family concept is very popular in India. However, it is also included in the disadvantages of the arranged marriages. The burden of the entire wedding ceremony is on the bride’s parents. Along with the financial pressure, parents also have to put in a huge effort to select the right groom for their daughter. Sometimes their can be societal factors like caste, profession and other things that need to be matched before you select the groom. So, the Family has to go through a lot of hard work for the arranged marriages.
- Trust between the families: The arranged marriages are not only based on the trust that the boy and girl will share but also on the trust that children have in their parents. The youth agreeing for arranged marriage have a lot of trust in their parents that they know their best and will do everything to find the right person for them with their wisdom and experience.
Why arrange marriages are becoming famous
By now, you must have gathered some thoughts about the arranged marriages and will soon be giving your judgement about it. The western countries do not generally believe in the arranged marriages as the concept of marrying an unknown person with whom you have not yet fallen in love with is something weird. Whereas, on the other hand when we see the divorce rates of different countries and compare them with the divorce rate of the countries like India where the culture of arranged marriages is predominant, we can say that the arranged marriage divorce rate is much less as compared to the divorce rates of the love marriages. This does not mean that the arranged marriages culture should be followed; it simply means that there is existence of another way to find your perfect partner.
Factors involved in arrange marriages
Now let’s discuss major factors involved in the arranged marriages. If you are planning to go for arrange marriage, there are certain things that you should brief yourself about the way the arrange marriage works.
- Planning your marriage in advance: since you have decided to get married as per the customs of the arrange marriage, you need to do this at the right age. You also need to keep the time frame in mind as sometimes finding a partner is a click away or it may take years for you to settle down with your perfect one.
- Age bar: when you are planning to have an arrange marriage, please keep in mind that there is always a marriageable age for these people. After you cross the age, you may not be able to find the girl or boy as per your specifications. Though you can fall in love at anytime but setting an age limit for the marriage is one of the disadvantages of the arrange marriages. Setting an arrange marriage can take some time as you never know when you can find the right partner.
- Assessment of the personality qualities: here, you do not have to just assess the qualities that you are looking for in your partner, you also have to note down the qualities that you have and accordingly decide what you need from your marriage. It is important to do this assessment as only then you can specify the qualities and will be able to segregate thousands of matches available to you.
- Keep your expectations realistic: another disadvantage of the arrange marriage is that people keep their expectations very high. Everyone wants the best bride or the groom for his or her match but you can not deny the fact that not everyone is same. When you keep the expectations very high, you tend to ignore the basic facts and the qualities that the person in front of you have. By this way, you can reject a good match only because you think that you deserve more. Thus, setting realistic expectations is necessary in arrange marriages. When you have made a list of ten qualities that you need in your partner, you should be able to agree on the fact that the chance of getting all the qualities in one person is very rare.
- Financial stability of the families involved: in arrange marriages, the financial stability or the status play a vital role and many times are the basis on which the families search for the partners. Generally, the financial stability of the groom’s side is taken in to consideration as this will ensure the stability for the bride in future. Also, the wedding functions are arranged by the bride’s family and thus require a good finance from them also.
- Demand of both beauty and brains: in old times, the beauty remained the sole factor for the selection of the girls as the brides but the time has changed. The young boys now want the women who can talk with them on their interests and are not just their arm candies. Apart from the good cooking skills there are various things that boys take into consideration before settling for their dream girl- like qualification, hobbies, interest and the way she would like to lead her life after marriage. These days, girls put huge effort in establishing themselves and thus would like to work towards their dreams even after their marriage.
- Take your time to understand the feeling of the other side: this arranged marriage fact is sometimes difficult to tackle as it may take time to understand what you or other person is feeling about the meetings. You may or may not be able to understand the person in few meetings, then how come you can decide whether you would like to spend the entire life with him or her. This question bothers everyone who are planning to go for arrange marriages. Well, here is the answer- sometimes few meetings are enough to click the equation that you two would be sharing and thus will help you to decide whether the person is right choice or not. Otherwise, after meeting, you can share the things that you are feeling with your best friends or family members who can understand you well and can help you decide.
- Matching the culture is must between the families: in arranged marriages, the probable matches are seen from the same religion so that the cultural differences do not occur. While you are meeting the person, always note the small things that can later give you a large view of their etiquettes and also the small things that are unique in your religion. This will help you to understand their beliefs better and will give you an idea as how the behaviour of the person is.
- Feel free to take advice: meeting one person after another can leave you frustrated and confused. It is always better to take the advice of the close family members and friends as they can guide you in the right direction. Whatever be the thing, small or big, always clear your doubt before you take the final decision.
- It’s always your decision that matters: even though in arranged marriages, families are involved to a huge extent in deciding your marriage partner but it is always you who are getting married and will be responsible for your decision. This is a decision that will change the course of your life. Thus, you should never take this decision under the pressure of your family and friends. Whenever you feel that you are facing pressure from them to marry a particular boy or girl whom they have liked, raise you voice and clearly say no as falling under their pressure and marrying the wrong person will make you regret later in life.
- Commitment is most important bond: we have already discussed how arranged marriages are based on the tryst and commitment between the partners involved. Since you have not known your partner for long before the marriage, trust and commitment is your only support. Sheer commitment towards your relationship is the bond on which your marriage will work. Always take the consideration of partner in every decision that you are making.